By now, you’ve probably noticed the unstoppable craze of slapping the word “smart” in front of a product name and adding wireless connectivity. Not only are many of these products a waste of money, they can cause privacy and security issues, and make you look foolish too.
Welcome to the Internet of Things That Should Never Be Connected to The Internet.
1. Smarter iKettle
Remember the guy who spent 11 hours trying to make tea using his new internet-connected kettle? He eventually turned to port scanning his network after he couldn’t find the Wi-Fi base station. While his story might be an exception to the rule, there are better ways of spending US$120 that don’t involve controlling a kettle with a smartphone.
Smarter claims that “hanging around the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil is a thing of the past” and includes features like remote water level monitoring. You’ll still need to be present to fill the kettle in the first place though, and return shortly after to make your tea.
2. Ring Smart Doorbell
The concept behind Ring has some merit, but it’s essentially just a glorified VoIP device that costs US$200.
Ring talks up the convenience of telling the mail man to leave your package in the porch, but ignores the fact that many couriers still require a signature. A TV advert I saw recently showed a mother and two children arriving home, using Ring to let dad know they’re safe, when they could just call, Skype, or FaceTime using their smartphones instead.
Furthermore, Ring fell victim to a major vulnerability in January 2016. Though no hacks are said to have taken place, Ring and other such products (SkyBell, DoorBird) could still be vulnerable to other attacks in the future, and offer very few benefits to the user that justify US$200 of expense. Combine Ring with smart locks to make your home even more vulnerable to attack.
3. Touchscreen Connected Fridges
At Berlin’s IFA consumer electronics show in September 2016, LG showed off a fridge that featured a 29-inch touchscreen and Windows 10. It uses an Intel Atom processor and 2 GB of RAM, with LG’s own Windows 10 apps alongside Microsoft mainstays like Paint.
Samsung isn’t innocent in this department either, having unveiled a 1080p fridge that uses the Tizen operating system earlier in the year. Smart fridges have already been hacked and used in DDoS attacks, and many of their top features (e.g. calendars, reminders, music playback) can already be found on smartphones, tablets, and other dedicated devices.
If you’re desperate for a fridge with a touchscreen, why not use something like the FridgePad and your existing tablet instead?
4. Laurastar Smart Iron
Credit: Laurastar/Twitter
Laurastar is a Swiss company that specializes in high-end ironing systems, and their contribution to last year’s IFA electronics show was a new smart iron with an entry price of US$1,400. The “smart” component uses an app to provide tutorials and real-time guides to improve your ironing technique, and provide details about your equipment.
With such an eye-watering price tag it’s clear that Laurastar don’t make average consumer-grade irons, and that’s reflected in the rest of their line up: their current most expensive “ironing system” retails at US$3,699. Depressingly though, smart irons are now a thing, so expect to see more of them in the future.
5. PetNet SmartFeeder
In July 2016 dogs and cats around the world went hungry when their PetNet smart feeders actually didn’t do any feeding. That’s right, you too can starve your feline friend for only US$150.
Rather than buffering feeding data for a sensible period of time and querying servers for changes to said schedule, PetNet decided to rely solely on the network to trigger feeding times. When the service stopped working, dinner never arrived. It’s not clear whether PetNet’s methodology has been changed to avoid future issues, but it’s also not hard to feed your dog “manually” instead.
6. Prepd “Smart” Lunch Box
The Prepd lunchbox isn’t technically a smart device, save for the accompanying recipe app which provides meal plans designed to fit in the included containers. Beyond being a lunchbox with magnetic containers that can be arranged in a few different ways, Prepd doesn’t really do anything new.
I’d probably have left it off this list were it not for the nauseating level of Kickstarter-speak, like the claim that it “redefines the whole experience of taking lunch.”
7. So Many Smart Buttons
We don’t have Amazon in Australia, so maybe I’m just bitter about the arrival of Dash buttons. Is this a step too far in simplifying online shopping? Maybe. I doubt the house of the future is covered in buttons with name brand labels on every surface.
At least Amazon’s buttons are cheap. Logitech’s POP home switch will cost you US$99 for a starter pack that includes two buttons. You can use them to perform revolutionary tasks like control lights, play music, and other things that would take 10 seconds longer to complete if you hadn’t wasted one-hundo on a smart switch system.
If you experienced a momentary lapse in judgement and actually bought some Amazon Dash buttons, you might be pleased to know you can hack them to do other things instead.
8. Juicero
Credit: Juicero
The Juicero is an internet-connected juicer that is designed to prop-up its own subscription-based business model. It doesn’t juice regular old fruit and vegetables like a standard juicer, instead it relies on sachets of prepared flavors like a Keurig or Nespresso coffee machine.
Unlike a Keurig, the juicer will only work with sachets that use Juicero’s own QR code. It’s always connected to the internet, and the use of sachets instead of raw organic material generates additional unnecessary waste. In case you weren’t completely convinced, juice packs cost a further US$5–8 each on top of the US$700 initial expenditure.
9. Toasteroid Smart Toaster
Finally! A toaster that prints the day’s weather on your breakfast, removing the need to glance out of the window or swipe right on your phone. You can also use the Toasteroid app to burn messages or drawings onto bread, allowing you to literally eat your own words.
I feel like I should cut Toasteroid some slack for at least being fun, but that US$85 price tag is likely to go up once it leaves the crowdfunding stage.
10. Bowflex ST560 Smart Dumbbells
Regardless of how useful Bowflex’s product is, I’m docking points for missing the opportunity to call its Bluetooth-connected weights “smartbells.” And the system does have some merit: select your weight and the ST560 Smart Dumbbells will configure itself to your preferences.
But at US$499 (not including the weight rack) for a pair, the entry price is eye-wateringly steep. Unless you’re made of money you might as well pay for a regular gym membership, and use all of the equipment you want.
11. Tangram Smart Skipping Rope
When a regular skipping rope just won’t do, try Tangram’s smart rope. It monitors your progress and displays it in mid-air as you workout, provided you can keep skipping long enough to make it worthwhile.
While it might not be the most expensive smart exercise accessory, it’s still a needlessly connected device. The accompanying app collects all your skipping data, allowing you to compete against others on leaderboards - quite the revolution in skipping rope technology.
12. Febreze Home Smart Air Freshener
This product probably makes sense if you’re meticulous about the way your house smells, but I’m an open-the-windows, “Oh God there’s cat hair everywhere” kinda guy. I’m also depressingly cynical about these (and many other) things, so I see this product as more of a gimmick to get you to buy more Febreeze than anything else.
Using the remote spray you can add fragrance to rooms, monitor “freshness” levels (whatever that means) and get notifications when its time to buy more. You can then order more with your Febreeze-branded Amazon Dash button, because you’re just so-damn-connected.
13. Mark One Pryme Vessyl Smart Cup
Credit: Vessyl/Facebook
The Pryme Vessyl is a smart water container, designed to help you stay hydrated by tracking what you drink. The problem is that we already have a device for this: our bodies. The idea that you need eight glasses of water a day is outdated, with much of our daily H2O coming from the food we eat - something Vessyl doesn’t track.
Vessyl also can’t tell the difference between the different liquids you may place in it. Many reviews suggest the product leaks and often loses connection. Needless connectivity, dubious hydration marketing, and leaky product means you’ll likely want to avoid this one.
14. LVL Hydration Monitor
Hot on the heels of Vessyl is LVL, a wearable hydration monitor and fitness tracker that gives you an at-a-glance look at your current thirst. I can maybe see a valid use for LVL for athletes or those exercising in hot climates, but among such professionals the importance of replacing fluids is well understood.
The real market for LVL is consumers drawn in by the science of hydration, and while staying hydrated is good for you, you don’t need to spend US$200 and wear this thing to do so. Just drink water often and send me your US$200 instead.
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