Monday, 27 July 2015


10 Apps Every Lazy Person Needs
By K. Thor Jensen,
PC Magazine, 24 July 2015.

It's the year 2015, and we're feeling a little cheated. By now, we were supposed to be pampered by robot man-servants and “work” would be a word so bad you couldn't say it on TV or hologram or whatever. But the idyllic view of the future as a lazy man's paradise just doesn't seem to be happening.

Or does it? Look down into the palm of your hand. No, your other one. You hold a computing device of such staggering power that it boggles the mind. Surely you can use it for more than just Instagramming burger pictures. You can use it to make people do things for you.

In this rundown, we'll lay out the essential apps for people who want to live large and lazy in the modern world. There are programs to park your car, put together your furniture and even blow out the candles on your birthday cake.

If it's not too much work to install them all, you can use your phone to transform yourself into an immobile lump of flesh that has forgotten how to accomplish even the most basic tasks and is completely dependent on a wireless data network. And isn't that the dream? Pick up your phone and let's slack off to the future.

1. Luxe


Hate parking your car? Have lousy depth perception? The geniuses behind Luxe are here for you. If by some miracle you manage to get off your ass and actually drive somewhere instead of taking an Uber, just fire up this app and they'll send a mobile valet to get your car from you and go through the annoying hassle of finding a legal spot. When you're ready for your car, they bring it to you. It's like you're eating at a swanky restaurant, but you can do it at Arby's. (iOS and Android)

2. Postmates


Delivery apps are a dime a dozen, but Postmates takes things a bit further. Originally launched in San Francisco, it has now branched out to over a dozen other locations. Instead of partnering with local retailers, Postmates uses a network of couriers to pick up orders from any retailer in their service area, including Chipotle. The company transfers credit card info and makes the purchase, which means that as long as you're OK handing over your financial data, you can get anything you want without moving more than two fingers. We truly live in a magical age. (iOS and Android)

3. Handy


Tired of cleaning your house? Maybe you've never cleaned your house because the very idea is exhausting? Enter Handy. This iPhone app lets you muster up cleaning crews, gardeners, handymen, and other service people at the click of a button. In the old days you'd have to flip through the Yellow Pages or venture into the wilderness of Yelp to find someone to do these things, but now you can get it all done from your phone. Clog your toilet? Handy is there. Pizza on the roof? Handy is there. Clog your toilet with a pizza? They can probably handle that, too.

4. Decider


You know what's really exhausting? Thinking about stuff. The brain is the biggest consumer of calories in the entire body, and if you need that energy elsewhere you'll want to outsource as much thought as possible. Enter Decider, an iPhone app that lets you put in a quandary you're trying to solve; it will weigh the options on both sides, and then happily make the choice in your stead. Yes, it's a software program that ably handles the core functionality of human thought. That should be terrifying to you.

5. TaskRabbit


TaskRabbit is sort of like the Wal-Mart of laziness. Unlike other services, which specialize in a specific niche, you can get just about anything done with this one if you're willing to pay the price. It works sort of like a bizarre-world Craigslist: you post the job you need done, as well as a hidden maximum amount you're willing to pay. Workers then bid on the task with their minimum acceptable pay-off, and you pick the one you want. They can be big or tiny, so get creative, and for a few bucks you can have a house full of specialized servants taking care of your every need. (iOS and Android)

6. Crowdmug

Did you actually work up the gumption to go out to a bar for a drink, but worry that the place might be a sausage party packed to the gills? Enter Crowdmug, an app for lazy night-life lovers that lets you pay real money for up-to-the-minute photos of a bar or restaurant. You place a bounty on the spot, and if other users are there, they take the shot to show you the crowd and collect the cash. We all know you're just making excuses to not leave the couch, but at least this looks like you're making an effort.

7. Swifto


Owning a dog is a beautiful thing, a relationship of love and trust that is valuable for human and animal alike. But who has the time or energy to walk the damn thing? Enter Swifto, a new service that gets people to take your dog out for their daily exercise (and bathroom break) and lets you track the whole thing with GPS. Yes, you can watch a little icon move around on a map and pretend that you're out there romping with your hound and using him to pick up girls, but you never have to touch another poop bag.

8. Push For Pizza


Ordering food from your phone is already incredibly easy, with numerous competing apps bringing just about everything to your door. But all of them require you to do more than just push a single button, and you might be too lazy for that. Push For Pizza literally brings a pizza to your door with a single touch. Set up a profile on with your favourite pizzeria, create your pie, enter your credit card, and then any time you want some ‘za, push the button. Eventually someone will come up with an app that pushes the button for you, though.

9. Washio


All of that pizza is likely to leave a grease stain or two on your clothes. But who has the time to hit the laundromat? Thankfully, California-based start-up Washio just brought in over US$2 million to extend its services to multiple cities. All you have to do is bundle up your hamper, put it in front of your door, and schedule a pickup through the app. A driver will come get it, clean the stains, and return it folded and dryer-fresh to your door in a few days. At US$1.60 a pound, the price isn't terribly outrageous, but you need at least 10 pounds of clothes at the minimum.

10. Blower


Okay, now things are getting ridiculous. If it's your birthday and you don't feel like mustering up the energy to puff out the candles on your cake, pay a buck and download Blower, which transforms your iPhone speaker into a miniature air puffer. Blower uses the vibrations created by low-frequency sound waves to move air in front of the speaker area, and it's strong enough to snuff small candles and puff a little bit of confetti for a tiny, incredibly sad party. Which, to be frank, if you're lazy enough to use all these apps, is the only party you're likely to have. (iOS)

Images/video credit: Respective app developers’ sites.

[Source: PC Magazine. Edited. Some links and images added.]

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