23 Weird, Gimmicky, Straight-Up Silly Cryptocurrencies
By Rob Marvin, PCMag, 6 February 2018.
By Rob Marvin, PCMag, 6 February 2018.
Thanks to the volatile price of Bitcoin, cryptocurrencies are enjoying a frenzied moment in the sun as the market swings wildly on a daily basis.
The coins with the highest market cap (Bitcoin, Ether, Bitcoin Cash, Litecoin, Ripple, and others) deservedly get the most attention, but there are blockchain-based digital tokens for just about everything. While there are plenty of cryptocurrencies out there with tangible utility and unique value, in this story we salute the dregs: the weirdest, wackiest, and most ridiculous coins that have popped up over the past several years.
Fans of CryptoKitties - the Beanie Babies of blockchain - are only just realizing the frivolous wonders to behold within decentralized networks, but the cryptocurrency landscape is already littered with the ghosts of hundreds of dead coins that were too niche, too dumb, or blatant scams. The Cryptocurrency Market Capitalizations website lists more than 1,500 active coins, but the further down the list you go, the more obscure they get.
Below are 23 of the most out-of-the-box and straight-up bizarre cryptocurrencies we've seen (so far). Honorable mention to some defunct and truly vaporware entries like Fonziecoin (FONZ), Selfiecoin, Pizzacoin, and the ill-fated 2016 President Johnson coin (GARY), which are still technically listed but do not seem to be active.
Let's start with the original weird cryptocurrency: Dogecoin. The meme-turned-cryptocurrency has been around since late 2013, developing a passionate online community on sites like Reddit around the likeness of the famed Shiba Inu dog. Dogecoin has pulled some stunts - like sponsoring Olympic athletes and NASCAR drivers - but has somehow managed to stay relevant and still sits on a healthy market cap of more than US$650 million as of December 2017. Much coin, very currency.
The latest company to wade into the cryptocurrency space in ridiculous fashion is Kodak. The venerable camera company announced KodakCoin at CES in January to manage digital image rights and to pay photographers for image usage. The camera maker even announced a new Kodak KashMiner mining rig to go with it. KodakCoin was a reach to begin with, and the company has already delayed its initial coin offering (ICO) to verify potential investors. However the saga plays out, KodakCoin deserves a spot on this list.
3. Venezuelan Petro
The most recent entrant on our list is the "Petro," a new cryptocurrency announced by Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro. The embattled leader said the coin would be backed by oil, gas, gold, and diamond reserves to prop up the country's struggling, sanction-laden economy. Maduro gave no details as to when the coins would be rolled out or how exactly the Petro would fit into the current monetary and cryptocurrency landscapes. The Petro is actually not the first digital currency to emerge from Venezuela, however. That distinction goes to Bolivarcoin.
When you hitch your wagon to Dennis Rodman, you earn a place on this list by default. PotCoin is designed to provide a decentralized banking infrastructure for the legal cannabis industry, which is turning to blockchain for a number of creative solutions. There are actually a number of cannabis-focused coins - including CannabisCoin, KushCoin, Bongger, Ganjacoinpro, and others - but only one sent Rodman to North Korea.
The only cryptocurrencies by dentists, for dentists. Dentacoin is a digital token and blockchain network for the dental industry to help dentists and patients share data and medical records, trade products and materials, and even pay for procedures. Anti-dentites are not welcome.
Of course Trump has a cryptocurrency. While not directly affiliated with the president, the TrumpCoin website says it aims to "integrate itself into the agenda of Donald Trump" and "aid in funding projects domestically and worldwide" including infrastructure, veterans, and securing the border. The site prompts you to "Buy TrumpCoins today and help your nation, community and citizens finally realize their true potential!"
TrumpCoin isn't alone in the political arena. In fact, there are dozens of failed or dubious-looking political currencies floating around the web. For this piece alone I stumbled across Billary Coin, Ron Paul Coin, French presidential race coins for Emmanuel Macron and Marine Le Pen, and…Mao Zedong?
7. PutinCoin and Putin Classic
Since President Trump has his own coin, you know Russian president Vladimir Putin has some, too. Putin actually has more than one: PutinCoin was "created to pay tribute to the people and the president of one of the largest and greatest country in the world: Russia!" There's also PutinClassic, which is marketed as a "digital souvenir" to commemorate the leader. Buy five PutinCoins to get a limited-edition figurine of shirtless Putin on a horse! Enjoy the wonderful rap song above extolling the many virtues of glorious PutinCoin.
This doomed cryptocurrency was sued into oblivion by Kanye West's lawyers, but will always hold a special place in our hearts. You shined bright like a diamond for a few blissful months back in 2014.
Only in Russia can you find a cryptocurrency only for buying Burger King Whoppers. Last year, Burger King Russia announced the Whoppercoin initiative...basically a blockchain-based rewards program. Customers rack up one Whoppercoin for each ruble they spend, and those who accrue 1,700 Whoppercoins get a free burger. What a great deal!
The first cryptocurrency that's certified Kosher, BitCoen is also the first Jewish crypto token made by Jews, for Jews all over the world. It's got the whole Megillah: a payments system, loyalty program, marketplace, wallet, and an advertising platform. Oh, and 10 percent of the coins are donated to Jewish charities. The coin recently completed a successful ICO, so to my fellow Hebrews I say Mazel Tov! The mensches behind BitCoen have got some real chutzpah.
Mined on the fictional moons of Pandora and used to help Aaron Eckhart make it all the way to The Core, Unobtanium is - according to the cryptocurrency's website - "the platinum to Bitcoin's gold…a single piece of digital rock made up of a unique cryptographic material…a new element." The precious metal of cryptocurrencies is designed to be rare. Only 250,000 Uno coins will ever be mined over the next 300 years.
12. The Cypherfunks
Have you ever wished your favorite internet band was also a digital currency? Well you're in luck! The Cypherfunks are a decentralized community of musicians using FUNK coins to support their collective musical dreams. They need the funk. They've gotta have that funk.
13. Cat Coins
Cats are a staple of the internet, and cryptocurrencies are no different. The most famous of several cat-themed digital tokens out there is Monacoin, the first Japanese cryptocurrency. Others include Catcoin and Nyancoin, in case you hadn't seen the Nyan Cat meme in enough places by now.
14. Useless Ethereum Token
Yep, the UET logo is most definitely flipping you the bird. Useless Ethereum Token is exactly what it sounds like: a first-of-its-kind initial coin offering (ICO) that transparently offers investors absolutely no value. Don't just take it from me. The website states: "You're going to give some random person on the internet money, and they're going to take it and go buy stuff with it. Probably electronics, to be honest. Maybe even a big-screen television. Seriously, don't buy these tokens."
Want a great gift for your next party? Buy some Fuzzballs! This coin is intended for gifting and parties, or you can buy knickknacks from the FUZZ shop like keychains and bottle openers. Have a better idea for what to do with Fuzzballs? Let the creators know. The site states: "Ideas for giving the coin some more actual usage are always welcome."
16. Cthulhu Offerings
Praise be to Cthulhu, O' great Lovecraft-ian cosmic sea beast. Cthulhu Offerings is one of the strangest cryptocurrencies I found, which seems to be a religion based around the fabled giant octopus where the coins are part of a ritual sacrifice. From the site:
“As the equinox approaches we begin the ritual; four weeks and five days long it builds until Cthulhu awakens and one worshipper is rewarded greatly… During the last five days, the 'Tharanak shagg,' or "promise of dreamland," the ritual reaches final pitch and the daily special blocks are highly increased. Finally Cthulhu will return after the xxx665th offering has paid tribute to the Great Old One and he will bestow a bounty deserving of Him upon one lucky worshiper.”
All hail Cthulhu.
Mooncoin is a cryptocurrency and blockchain network where the total coin supply is limited, based upon the average distance from the Earth to the moon. It’s also got its own programming language called MoonWord for decentralized app (DApp) coding and blockchain record-keeping. We bet the Moonman himself would approve.
SkinCoin is, oddly enough, not a porn-related cryptocurrency. Instead, it's dedicated to buying game skins for eSports.
19. Porn Coins
That said, there are quite a few cryptocurrencies dedicated to the adult entertainment industry. SexCoin and TitCoin are both designed for product purchases and transactions on porn sites. SpankChain goes even further, providing a full-blown blockchain infrastructure platform for building secure, anonymous pornography apps. What a time to be alive.
Do you love garlic bread? Do you love cryptocurrencies? Well you're in luck! We've got the token just for you: Garlicoin! Born out of Reddit as a meme-based currency to rival Dogecoin, Garlicoin is forked from Litecoin and works the same way - except the cryptocurrency is devoted entirely to garlic bread. As the website's garlic recipes page states: "Garlicoin is hot out of the oven and ready to serve you with its buttery goodness."
This anonymous, untraceable cryptocurrency facilitates payments through the Tor network. DeepOnion is…well to be honest…it's a little creepy. Watch the video above to see why.
UFOCoin, or Uniform Fiscal Object, is unfortunately not a cryptocurrency dedicated to funding galactic exploration or research into alien alloys. The UFOCoin blockchain actually uses something called neoscrypt technology, which "creates stronger encryption and thus an extra layer of protection to the network," and its unique architecture allows anyone with a desktop computer to mine UFO coins.
23. Fuck Token
I could explain what Fuck Tokens are and how this "Finally Usable Crypto Karma" works, but honestly this video is such a treat that you should just watch and find out for yourself. Here at the end of this very silly article, I have no more fucks to give.
For more, check out How to Buy, Sell, and Keep Track of Bitcoin. If mining is more your thing, you can read about how my cousin is mining Bitcoin and Litecoin in his mom's basement.