Although this post is court-related, it has absolutely nothing to do with our country's most infamous sodomy trial and judgment day tomorrow. Rather, since everyone can sense the tension, hopefully it should temporarily take our minds off that day.
The following courtroom exchanges are not made up. They are actual courtroom exchanges taken from a book called Disorder in the American Courts - which probably are not absent in any court elsewhere either. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
No need to guess what we think of lawyers nowadays. The exchanges do give an indication of what lawyers sometime do and that they are not that smart or brilliant after all!
HILARIOUS COURTROOM EXCHANGES!
Exchange 1:
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!
Exchange 2:
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Exchange 3:
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Exchange 4:
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget...
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Exchange 5:
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do...
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Exchange 6:
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Exchange 7:
Attorney: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's 20, much like your IQ.
Exchange 8:
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you s&(@(*$# me?
Exchange 9:
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Exchange 10:
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Exchange 11:
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death...
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Exchange 12:
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
Exchange 13:
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Exchange 14:
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
Exchange 15:
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral...
Exchange 16:
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Exchange 17:
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And Last:
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No...
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
[Source: The Political Commentator]
The following courtroom exchanges are not made up. They are actual courtroom exchanges taken from a book called Disorder in the American Courts - which probably are not absent in any court elsewhere either. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
No need to guess what we think of lawyers nowadays. The exchanges do give an indication of what lawyers sometime do and that they are not that smart or brilliant after all!
HILARIOUS COURTROOM EXCHANGES!
Exchange 1:
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!
Exchange 2:
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Exchange 3:
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Exchange 4:
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget...
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Exchange 5:
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do...
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Exchange 6:
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Exchange 7:
Attorney: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's 20, much like your IQ.
Exchange 8:
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you s&(@(*$# me?
Exchange 9:
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Exchange 10:
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Exchange 11:
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death...
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Exchange 12:
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
Exchange 13:
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Exchange 14:
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
Exchange 15:
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral...
Exchange 16:
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Exchange 17:
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And Last:
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No...
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
[Source: The Political Commentator]
LOL... good one Sir! ... thanks !!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kenn...just releasing the tension.
ReplyDelete