10 Patents That Make Simple Tasks Crazy Complicated
By Rachel Feltman, Popular Mechanics, 19 February 2013.
By Rachel Feltman, Popular Mechanics, 19 February 2013.
Do you ever reach for a tissue and find yourself wishing that changing a light bulb could be more...challenging? The inventors of these patents all dreamed of a world full of complex solutions to problems that have already been solved.
1. The Bird Diaper
Cleaning up bird poop is no picnic, especially when it falls on your newly washed car. These inventors decided it would be easier to somehow finagle a flying animal into this full-bodied diaper, though we're not sure how we're going to get all the world's pigeons into these things. Submitted by Lorraine Moore, Mark Moore, and Cely Giron in 1999.
2. Birthday-Cake-Candle Extinguisher
According to the patent submitted by Paul Bosak in 1963, this device "fulfils a long-felt need at birthday parties for small children who may have insufficiently forceful breath to extinguish a cake." It also "avoids a fire hazard." No word as to whether this festive canister of compressed air works on those pesky trick candles.
3. The Body Squeegee
According to the inventor of this squeegee–glove apparatus, towelling off after a shower just takes too long. It's much quicker to dry yourself inch-by-inch using a "hand wearable squeegee comprising a glove portion, a concave squeegee band, and a linear squeegee band." Submitted by Gerard A. Forster in 2000.
4. Light Bulb Changer
How many moving parts does it take to change a light bulb? More than 200. Submitted by Thomas Magdi in 2003.
5. Sock and Shoe
This system keeps your sock from "creeping" by attaching it to the toe of your shoe with Velcro. Although, doesn't having Velcro on your toes sound even more uncomfortable than a wayward sock? Submitted by Julius W. Burrell in 1975.
6. Device for Moistening the Adhesive Coating on Postage Stamps and Envelopes
Thank goodness self-adhesive stamps came around when they did - we almost ended up in a world full of novelty mechanical tongues. Donald B. Poynter, who submitted this patent in 1980, said the world needed such a device because many people object to linking stamps, either because of the "unpleasant taste of adhesive coatings" or for health and sanitation reasons. Poynter's device had a "moistening member," fed by an open-top liquid container, to do the job for you.
7. Baby-Patting Device
Your babies need the loving touch of a parent, but you're busy. Problem solved: Let this mechanical hand pat them to sleep. They definitely won't grow up with a complex. Submitted by Thomas V. Zelenka Hanford in 1968.
8. Apparatus for Facilitating the Birth of a Child by Centrifugal Force
Childbirth might not be a "simple" task to begin with, but this spinning table - with a net to catch the baby - has "bad idea" written all over it. Submitted by G. B. Blonsky in 1963.
9. Portable Nasal Mucus Removing Device
Yes, that's right, it's a gun you shove up your nostril, designed to suck out the mucus from your stuffy nose. A mechanical marvel and utterly gross. Submitted by Jeong-Joo Suh in 2000.
10. Self-Containing Enclosure for Protection From Killer Bees
Not complicated in the mechanical sense, but it's still a complex solution to a simple problem. In 1995, in the midst of killer-bee mania, Virginia L. Butler submitted this patent for a breathable plastic box, better than all other killer-bee protection tech that came before.
Related Post: 14 Crazy Patent Applications
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